(Source: tumblr)
Starting the day with applications at several places while thinking about one owns unknown future is not really canny, it is rather quite uncomfortable, at least for me.
Speaking of uncomfortable, do you ever have those days where you sulk in yourself and feel sad yet can't point out the reason?
My day turned out like this today. I felt, and still feel, useless, wondered what I have done with my life all along and where it will lead me to. Is it my subconscious mind trying to communicate with me? There might be something bothering me on a different level, a level I am not fully aware of yet.
As if this isn't bad enough, I also have a hard time believing in myself these days. It feels like I never do anything right. When I applied for university I felt confident and was assured it is the right path. Other students have no clue about their future, haven't thought about the job environment they would like to see themselves in in a few years. Not me. I started off with the best intentions, gave everything, but the outcome always went wrong. The world isn't working in my favour.
Countless times I reconsidered my goals and dreams, lowered my sights so only really important things were left. It is more than a damper to my spirits, especially on a day like today.
One thing you have to remember is that you have to live in the present and not in the past. I try to remind myself right now. I shouldn't be scared to start something based on my past, based on the outcome of other things. Instead I have to hope for the best. At the end of the day there is only one person I have to answer to and that is myself. Wherever my actions lead me to, I am the one who is responsible for my life. Yes, sometimes we have to make decisions which might not be wise, sometimes living on the edge brings one's whole potential forward. Nevertheless, we have to live with the consequences of our behaviour and decisions, so do I.
(Source: tumblr)
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